Crazy Untold Star Wars Stories
by Jedi Alanna
Summary: Series of funny little short stories that place our beloved Star Wars characters in interesting situations, all based on questions like: What would happen if Luke Skywalker arm-wrestled a gorilla! rating to be safe.
1. Armwrestling

Disclaimer: I own absolutely positively nothing apart from the weird and insane plots.

**_Crazy Untold Star Wars Stories_**

_**A/N: This is going to be a series of one shot wacky stories that are responses to questions people ask me or I ask myself, and yes someone asked me this. I know they'll be silly, so, be wary. otherwise, enjoy!**_

**Chapter 1: Arm-wrestling**

**_Wacky question: What would happen if Yoda needed/wanted a chicken, and he asked Luke to arm wrestle a gorilla for one?_**

Yoda looked around his sparse hut. _Very calm and austere it is, _he mused, then sighed. _Too quiet is Luke. Something or someone more active is needed. But what?_ Then Yoda had an epiphany. _A pet! That it is, but what kind of pet? Hmmm dogs too big are, but maybe a flightless bird better would be. An ostrich? A penguin perhaps, hmmm…no, warm it is here, a chicken? Yes a chicken good would be, but where to get, where to get. Dooku Gorilla chickens has. Luke must him overcome._

"Luke, come here!" Luke came trotting, fresh from a run through the swamp.

"What is it, Master?"

"Get a chicken must you. Get it from Dooku Gorilla you will, mmm."

_What's Yoda thinking? _thought Luke, but he shook it off. "Ok Master, if you say so. How must I go about it, diplomacy? Jedi mind tricks?"

"No, arm-wrestle him you must, of jedi you will never be"

"Alright already, I'll go!" said Luke, a little frustrated, _how do you arm-wrestle a gorilla? What kind of lesson is this supposed to teach me? _unaware that at the same time, Yoda was behind him thinking, _Sucker!_

So Luke set off, and he soon reached Dooku Gorilla's place. He saw that Dooku had a chicken coop, and a table with chairs that were set at a suspiciously good height for arm-wrestling. He was about to call out when he felt himself being raised into the air and placed in one of the chairs. Dooku sat down in the one across from him, and when Luke tried to stammer something out, Dooku just grunted and stuck his arm on the table in a perfect arm-wrestler's position. A bit startled, Luke followed suit, and before he knew it, his arm was through the now splintered table and hurting like mad.

"HEY!" exclaimed Luke, but the gorilla was so caught up in his guffaw/snorting type laughter that he didn't notice. The gorilla got another table, and, getting the picture, Luke was the first one to put his other arm on the table. This time, using his innate strength, and more force use, he managed to beat the gorilla. Surprised, he got up and shouted, "OH YEAH!" and did a little victory dance.

Consigned, the gorilla lumbered to his feet and selected a chicken, and gave it to Luke, who frolicked back to Yoda, humming "We're off to see the wizard!"

"Mmm, back you are I see. And a chicken you bring, how considerate."

"If you say so, Master," responded Luke respectfully.

"Now, learn what did you?" asked Yoda, and while Luke launched into a long winded explanation of the powers of the force, Yoda thought to himself, _Another day in the jungle it is, I wonder what dinner is…_

**_A/N: Well, that's the first insane little plotline answer to a question. If any of you reading this have any wacko or otherquestions you'd like to see answered here, post them in a review, and I'll try to answer them in the form of a story-let. If you don't please please please review anyways, even if only to tell me that I'm out of my mind. _**


	2. Mace Windu, Janitor

Disclaimer: I own EVERYTHING, except the characters, settings, universe, cleaning supplies, and anything else you might recognize as belonging to someone else!

**_Wacky Question: What would happen if a Jedi, like Mace Windu, had to clean a house?_**

Mace Windu, Jedi Master, looked around the house. He was standing in the middle of the room with his fellow Jedi Master Adi Gallia, surveying the damage done. He had no idea what had caused the mess, but he did know, if he and Adi Gallia didn't do something about it, Jedi would never be allowed to rent places in this part of town again. Sighing, he turned to Adi Gallia and said, "Well, what are we going to do now?"

She looked at him. "What are we going to do? I think the question is what are _you _going to do now, I'm going to the Jedi temple to notify them about this mess!"

"You're a lot of help! I suppose you expect me to clean this place?"

"Of course, you're a Jedi Master; you can handle cleaning a house, can't you?"

"Of course," replied Mace, bristling.

"Then what's the problem?"

"I don't see any droids that can clean around here!"

"You don't need droids to clean a house, oh capable Mace Windu! There are some cleaning supplies in that closet over there, so I'll leave you to it." She left, thinking, _this is going to be very interesting!_

Listening to Adi Gallia leave, Mace sighed, and headed over to the closet she had indicated. _What do we have here, what kind of stuff is this, this stick has bristles at the end, wonder what that is, what's this machine? Hope it can help…this one's got funny little flappy thingies, these I guess must be cleaning solutions, better grab some of those, and probably that trash bag, and the rags._

He took out the items he thought he would need and then looked around. _Where to start now, where to start…hmmm….well I guess I could start over there? _He finally decided to start at one end of the house and go on through to the other. _Boy, I wish I could use a droid for this, one of those that can clean your house and duel with you at the same time. _

He picked a starting point and looked around with the serenity of a seasoned Jedi Master. At least before he lost his cool, and threw his supplies to the ground. "This is a disgrace to pigpens around the world! WHAT were the people here thinking?"

He picked up a machine he had brought with him, and examined it dubiously. _What is this thing, a window cleaner? Dishwasher? Duster? _He looked at the open end first, and decided, _only one way to find out!_

He turned it on and the esteemed Master Mace Windu, second only to Master Yoda lost his balance due to the sucking made by the seemingly harmless vacuum cleaner. Mace fell on top of the cleaning supplies, dropping the vacuum in the process, which amazingly landed right side up and proceeded to try and 'clean' Mace Windu by knocking into the now cleaner-spattered jedi master repeatedly.

Mace,at peace(well, sort of), force-pushed the vacuum cleaner into the nearby wall, instantly regretting doing so with such force, as the vacuum cleaner exploded, adding thousands of shards of plastic and durasteel to the mess around him. A few particularly sharp pieces hit Mace's face. Mace examined the cut made by one on his cheek, _Oh great, the mighty Mace Windu, bloodied by a bloody VACUUM CLEANER…." _(he finally realized what exactly it was that he had just detonated,) then made a mental note _those things explode rather nicely, now I know what to use next time someone attacks me, forget my lightsaber, I'll throw a vacuum at them! I wonder if I could incorporate vacuums in vapaad…._

Pondering this thought, Mace picked himself up from amongst the bottles of cleaners that he smashed on his fall, and brushed off the worst of the plastic on his now dripping jedi robes.

The Jedi master examined what was left of the supplies. A stick with bristles on the end, another stick with what looked like felt strips on the end, a bottle of glass cleaner, several rags, and a can of blue powder with a muscular man on the wrapper. _I wonder what this stuff does…hope I didn't need any of that other junk…_

Mace picked up the first stick. Now wary of any surprises this stick might have, he examined it gingerly, and, satisfied that it was not going to explode anytime soon, began to think of any possible uses for this unusual rod. _Hmm, it would probably sliced in half in combat, maybe it was meant to be levitated! _Mace reached out through the force and lifted the broom using the force. He stepped forward, and …slipped on spilled cleaner, losing control of his force grip on the broom (duh).

In his effort to compensate for his lost balance, Mace sent the broom up, breaking through the skylight which was handily right overhead, shattering it instantly into, of course, a thousand pieces.

The now thoroughly disheveled Mace, covered in multicolored cleaner, with more than a few minor scrapes and abrasions from all the shrapnel he created, surveyed the scene with an annoyed air. _Well, Adi Gallia wants this place cleaned up, right? Well, who says it has to be me who cleans this mess? There's a phone in the main room, I'll just call a service! They'll be sure to give me a good price, seeing as how I'm a jedi!_

Settled on this brilliant plan of action, Mace made it to the front room, tidying as much as he knew how as he went. He made it with only a few incidents concerning a rather large open can of paint, several down pillows, confetti, and a misplaced water balloon.

In the front room, Mace hastily looked through a directory searching for the perfect service. _Jabba da Hutt's Cleaning Service, sure why not!_ Mace quickly dialed the comm code into his comlink and was connected instantly to a wheezy voice that said, "Jabba da Hutt's Cleaning Service, how may I coughcheatcough I mean help you?"

Mace ordered a cleaning crew, and gave the address to the suspiciously wheezy voice, his desperation clouding his better judgment. After being assured that the crew would arrive in just a few minutes, Mace decided that it would be undignified to meet them in his present condition, and made his way to the refresher, wisely deciding not to try and clean anything. As a result, he only knocked over a single bucket of modified pink tar substitute.

After cleaning himself up and washing out his robes as much as possible, Mace started to leave the refresher unit. He then had the brilliant idea of force-pushing everything out of his way in order to remain as clean as possible. This idea worked remarkably well in regard to Mace himself and his clothing, but not so well for the walls and windows along his way.

Pleased at remaining clean, Mace welcomed the cleaning crew which had just entered. A motley crew of suspicious looking characters to be sure, it appeared to be one that at least knew how to identify a vacuum cleaner from a broom.

They cleaned the house in record time, and Mace was so relieved he didn't notice the petty and not so petty pilfering that occurred, and when it was time to pay them, didn't even realize that although the house was clean, there was nothing of value left in it, and therefore ended up paying Jabba da Hutt Cleaning Service for stealing.

He also didn't realize that Adi Gallia was standing outside the door the whole time and watched the entire escapade (she had called the temple, not gone in person, and therefore was only distracted for a minute).

Laughing silently at Mace's predicament, Adi waylaid the cleaning crew as they left, and reclaimed all the stolen goods, and thought to herself, _if only the younglings could see, it would be a good lesson in honest work! _

Before entering the house, Adi waited a few minutes so as not to tip of Mace that she had seen the cleaning crew and schooled her features. Centered in the force, Adi walked into the house toting the large bag she had placed the stolen goods in.

"Adi, as you can see, the house is all cleaned up. Hopefully, should we ever need to rent in this sector; nothing will stand in our way." Mace smiled at her, looking for all the worlds as if nothing had happened, and as if his clothes had always been as immaculate as they now were, and as if it really had been he who had cleaned the house.

Adi responded in kind, "Well done, I don't foresee any particular problems," she then gave Mace a mischievous grin, "By the way, how exactly did you get out that pink tar?"

It took a couple of seconds for the implications of this statement to register in Mace's mind. "Oh" was all he said out loud…

**_A/N: Hope you liked! Wow this one's longer than I thought! Thanks go out to Dragon Whisky for the question, and also kudos to my other lovely reviewers! SoloKenobi and Lioness-Goddess, you guys rock! By the way, since school is out down here, I'll have more time to write than before, so hopefully I won't take as long as I did this time to update, although I do need more wacky questions, hint hint. I'm also going away for the restof the summer, so don't expect an update too soon...Now, please please please review, even if only to tell me, well, whatever you want! _**


End file.
